"Every good and perfect gift is from above" ~ James 1:17

Wednesday, March 30, 2011


Tomorrow Adrian goes in for his next set of shots, and while I am reluctant to do this, it is the bargain that I made with Manny...I get to have my home birth but Adrian will get his vaccinations.  And Yes, I do know that their are "studies" that show that Autism is not related to vaccinations, but deep in my heart, I KNOW that they play a part in sending perfect, healthy, alert, and interacting children down a challenging path. 

I posted a video of twin baby boys "talking" to one another yesterday on facebook and I watched it again this morning because it is too darn cute...that led me to watching another video of twin babies laughing at each other:
Then I just happened to read the comment left by the mother underneath the video: 
"Thank you so much for your kind words everyone. It really touches me. Especially because they do not interact like this anymore. At 20 months old, several months after this video, they were both diagnosed with autism. They lost their social interaction skills. I love that I still have this video to remind me of who they were supposed to be. They regressed all of the sudden. It was heartbreaking. You can see their journey and decent into autism in Meet William and Nathan"

So I watched the video:

This is why I am TERRIFIED of vaccinations...this is why every time I go into the doctor's office for another round of vaccinations, I ask myself again and again if I'm doing the right thing...how am I protecting my child if what I am having him do could ultimately hurt him?  I am not sure its true for everyone, but I know that I certainly doubt myself from time to time on whether or not I am the best parent I can possibly be for my child...THIS is one thing that ALWAYS makes me doubt myself.  Who would play roulette with their child's life? Certainly not me, but I feel like I do...I dread his vaccination days not because he will cry and not because he might not feel well after, but because this could be the round of shots that changes him forever.  Hopefully the measures I have taken (spreading out the vaccinations) will help, and I pray that he is not predisposed to this sort of thing. 

I cried during and after this video because I NEVER, EVER want this smile to disappear...

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